One of our beloved dogs died last Tuesday, August 19, 2025 so I am making this post as a way to honor her memory. If you don’t want to read about it, please kindly skip this post.
Our Lexie is a Shih Tzu. Her fur is white, but if we keep it long, you will see a streak of light brown in her back and ears. She was very playful when she was young, and as she grew, we noticed that she’s very princess-like, lol. She’s very prim and proper, very calm, very accommodating to guests (you can even dog-nap her because she’s too friendly, wahahaha) but she’s very scary when she’s mad, wahahhaa. She’s very cranky when she’s not in the mood or if she’s feeling any pain. Since she’s a very well-behaved dog, we usually brought her with us when traveling, especially when she was younger. She’s usually very calm and so cute probably because of her small size so whenever we go out, she’s a headturner, hahahaha. She’s also not the shy type, she can even pee and poop in front of so many people, lol. And usually she does it in the middle of the crowd, wahahahaha.
She was our only dog for a year, so when we got two more, she was very hesitant to be near them. Lexie was very independent and she’s used to being alone and monopolizing our attention. So when the new pups came, it really took quite a while for her to accept her new siblings. But then, when they grew up, we found out that our other girl dog was a fighter so she and Lexie always clashed. We did everything for them to get along, unfortunately, they really just can’t, lol. That’s why we make sure they are not in the same room at the same time.
Our Lexie was almost 6 years old when she got sick. We were able to treat her, but she got sick again then she got heart problems. The first few months were manageable because of the medicine she was taking, but we noticed that her illness intensified as the time went on. I really feel bad whenever I see her having a hard time breathing. She was still pretty calm during that time, which is also the reason why we didn’t fully understand the full intent of her suffering. I feel so selfish saying Lexie not to give up during those times that she was suffering. She was really so calm and such a good dog even if she was hurting. She eats her food so well even in those times that her illness became even more serious. Because of her heart problems, she was having a hard time breathing even early on, but the days before her passing, her difficulty in breathing was even more intense. She can’t even sleep straight and eat in peace because she always struggles. She was breathing using her mouth a lot during that time.
She was supposed to have her 7th birthday this November, but she didn’t make it. I can still remember the moment I saw the box my sister was carrying that day. I thought that Tuesday was going to be just another ordinary day, but our sister noticed that Lexie was really struggling so they went to the vet. I always sleep after my shift so I didn’t really notice Lexie that time, I thought their trip to the vet was just like their usual visits. So when I received a text from my sister that Lexie was gone, I thought she was lying. There was no reply, so I really thought she didn’t mean that. I didn’t believe it, but I can’t stop crying. When my sister came home, I didn’t see Lexie, she’s only carrying a box. That’s when it dawned on me that she’s really gone. We were crying so much that day, I feel so heartbroken that I refuse to see Lexie. At that moment, I feel like if I see her face, it’s really official that she’s gone. We didn’t know what to do next but we texted our mother and shared the news. They were talking about burying Lexie, but I don’t want that. I don’t want Lexie to be buried somewhere and then forgotten. That’s when we agreed that we will have her cremated instead. I searched for one nearby and we saw a pet aquamation which is an environmentally and gentle alternative to flame cremation. We live far away from the city but our trip going there was fast and traffic free considering that it was the usual time for the employees and students to go home.
Our trip to the crematorium was the most excruciating ride I ever had. I think I cried all throughout that ride while holding the box with Lexie’s body in it. We met our mom in the crematorium and we had another bout of crying while seeing Lexie’s body and saying our goodbye. I don’t really want to see her, but I know I have to or else I will regret it forever. I thought Lexie was going to have a pained expression because she really suffered a lot, but she looks so peaceful. She looks like she’s just sleeping. That’s when I realized that maybe she felt that way because she’s finally free from suffering. That night, we really can’t sleep because we keep thinking of Lexie. I didn’t work the day after so I had enough time to cry and to think. I really thought I would cry for the rest of the year, but after thinking things through, I realized that I should be strong for Lexie. We held a small memorial for Lexie the day after, and we finally said our last goodbye.
It’s still weird waking up in the morning not seeing her, and then going to sleep without wishing her good night. But ever since I accepted that she’s gone now and is finally free from pain and suffering, thinking of her and even saying her name out loud doesn’t give me that much grief anymore. Ofcourse I’m still sad but I now understand that it is for her own good. Just because she is gone physically, doesn’t mean she is truly gone. If we always keep her and all her memories in our heart, she will never be gone.
I miss you so much Lexie. It’s honestly still painful and I don’t think the pain of losing you will ever be gone, but rest assured that we are ok. My sister is still thinking about you and hurting, but I guarantee you that we will be ok. I am so sorry for making you stay and suffer that long. I am so sorry for not fully understanding your pain and for being so selfish for keeping you. I still cry whenever I miss you and still call your name everyday, but please don’t let us keep you. It was certainly short, but the years that you are with us was one of the best and happiest years for us. I hope you feel the same. I hope we were able to give you the life and love you deserve. Please don’t worry about us anymore. It may take time, but we will manage. Please go on and run free. We will love and miss you forever, our pretty Lexie.
